"Late Show with David Letterman," CBS:

"? "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney."

"? "But here is the sad part "? before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor."

"? "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."

"? "The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."

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"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," NBC:

"? "Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.

"? "That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."

"? "I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?'"

"? "Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"